The greatest independence of all, and the gateway to true compassion for others as well. Want to know more? Here we go!
What Is It?
In my experience, it’s a no-need, no-trade relationship. It’s also about unconditional love, which means no needs, no trades. Know all that fairy tale stuff about princesses needing rescuing and princes feeling empowered through rescuing? Naw. That’s all, well, fairy tales.
How about more modern versions like “finding your soulmate”? Nope. Definitely not independent. By definition, your love is based on the need to find at least one, if not more, people who are so tuned into you, so compatible, that no friction occurs in the relationship. Both partners’ needs are fully met by the other. No independence there. In my own case, soulmate relationships were rife with karmic lessons, but no happily ever after. Good lessons learned, but definitely not forever satisfaction.
So, where’s the emotional independence?
The Challenges
Well, it’s inside of you, and in your relationship to what I call the All That Is. The energy of the universe, which is basically neutral to your individually perceived needs. But that’s OK, because when you are in the All That Is (not incarnated on planet Earth, for example), there’s no problem. Just the laws of love and gravity surfing the universal curves together.
But that doesn’t help you right now, encased in this over-complex biology, on the world’s stage. The trick is to use emotional independence to get closer to the Love of being with All That Is, and free yourself from need- (and that’s a euphemism for fear) based relationships. Then, really cool and interesting relationships will come to you. They won’t be “perfect,” but they’ll be fascinating. Also, they will have great physical and emotional chemistry.
The only “downside” of emotional independence is that other people in a need-based place looking for a partner may find you “cold” emotionally. This is their perception, and it doesn’t have to be yours; it’s not your job to fill their emptiness (as it is not theirs to fill yours). Yeah, I know, that doesn’t seem like the “love” relationship you are used to. But that’s independence, and it pays off in the long run with higher quality, long-term relationships.
What’s the Path?
Self-love first, loving detachment second. This path is not easy to walk; we often find experiences in the past where our self-love has been eroded, and where detachment is difficult to maintain. Lots of people need us! We can help them heal more deeply if we don’t just fulfill their perceived needs, but instead teach them about self-love and the emotional independence that follows. Mostly by example. If they can’t hang, then, that’s just the way it is. With independence, we can release relationships with grace (that doesn’t mean we don’t grieve them, but we walk through that experience to loving detachment).
Principles
And, let’s get down to the practice. List coming; see what you think.
- Know your own inner (and outer) beauty and dwell in it.
- Heal the regrets and banish the worries to live in peace in the present.
- Say “no” and still love and be loved without conditions.
- Say “yes” to relationships free of conditions and access the deepest happiness that follows through “thick and thin.”
- Every change of brain takes practice; make emotional independence a practice and your brain will follow.
Looking for a bit of shepherding from someone who has been through this healing process and come out the other side? I can help. Let’s set up a chat.